Merlin – Recap & Review – To Kill The King

photo: nbc

Merlin
To Kill The King

Original Air Date: August 23, 2009

Andi – Associate Staff Writer
andi@thetwocents.com

This week Morgana gets in touch with her inner redheaded stepchild, Gwen’s dad proves that all dads on this show are idiots, and everybody wants somebody’s head on a platter. Also, Voldemort stops by Camelot in search of power and revenge, so nothing’s changed there.

We open on Arthur’s future father-in-law acting very happy and giving Gwen an expensive frock and, because we saw what happened last time he seemed so happy, we all know this can only end in doom and destruction and doom. He explains that they can afford these pricey dresses and buttons and things now, but he does not elaborate on how.

That night, Daddy Blacksmith is busy blacksmithing when some guy comes in and asks if it’s ready. It appears to be a small vat of molten iron or possibly lead, or whatever. Point is that it’s elemental metal. The stranger brings out an egg shaped stone and magics over the molten gunk, which turns into gold. Ah, I see we have a philosopher’s stone! Neat! Anyway, it also makes Daddy Blacksmith freak out all over the place and Merlin jolt awake in bed.

Because he’s totally on his game tonight, Arthur bursts in with some knights and arrests his eventual father-in-law.

Across town, Merlin wanders out of his room in a daze and is all STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE K! (Five points if you get the reference!) Then Gwen bursts through the door like this is the Multipurpose Chamber or something, screeching about her dad being arrested for collusion with a sorcerer.

Jump cut to Morgana being all, “Treason, Uther? You’re a dumbass.” Uther’s all, “Beyotch, don’t even go there. He was hired by an enemy of mine and therefore must be executed.” And Morgana’s all, “Which enemy? There are like nine thousand million. Did he even know it was your enemy?” Arthur, who is assuming the surprise buttsex position by the table (seriously, what is he doing?), is all, “Tourin Voldemort. He swore to bring down the king. But he got away.” And Morgana’s all, “Right, because that’s new and different. I scoff at you.” And Arthur’s all, “Morgana’s right. He didn’t commit treason.” And Uther’s all, “MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY, LOSERS!” And Morgana gets her riding coat.

Gwen takes a trip down memory lane and visits the brig, but this time she’s on the right side of the bars. Her dad confesses that he knew Gwen wouldn’t approve of his side job, but that he had no idea Voldemort was a sorcerer. She reports back to Merlin and Gaius about the stone and the events the night before, to which they make big, uh-oh eyes. Then she has a slumber party at their house.

While she sleeps, Merlin and Gaius solve the puzzle (and early in the episode, too). They decide that Voldemort was using magic to make alchemy possible and Gwen’s dad is innocent. I know! I was totally shocked by this revelation too! Who’d have guessed!

The next morning, Morgana goes slumming, looking for Gwen, but finds the philosopher’s stone instead. When she picks it up, it glows all crazy at her like a magic homing beacon screaming out, “You’re magic, you daft cow!” And also, “Alert! Alert, Merlin! Magic in the kingdom!” So Merlin wakes up and looks all woozy. Naturally, Morgana hides the stone in her room and then pops over to see if Gwen’s with Gaius and Merlin.

Merlin’s all, “Have you noticed how we both have very dark hair, fair skin, great cheekbones and are Irish? Maybe this means we have something in common. Like… Mad Magick Skillz, perhaps?” Okay, no, he doesn’t. He asks what they’re going to do about this problem and Morgana tells him there is absolutely no hope left in the entirety of the world. He’s sad about that.

Morgana then goes to Arthur’s room and steals the key to Daddy Blacksmith’s cell because of course Arthur would have one of those. She slips it to Tom (I got sick of typing Daddy Blacksmith) and slinks away.

Outside, some men are being marched through town to be executed for giving Tourin a place to stay for the night. Merlin’s all, “OMG WTF? They probably didn’t know he was a sorcerer. Your dad suuuhuucks!” And Arthur’s all, “Yes, I know! Shut the hell up and go away because you’re just making me feel bad because I already know!”

That night, Tom unlocks his cell and makes a mad dash for freedom, but he ain’t no Andy Dufresne, that much is true. The bells are sounded and Uther tells Arthur that he wants Tom’s head on a platter and escaping proves his guilt. Arthur is not excited at all about this, but before he has a chance to really do anything, we cut to somewhere in the depths of the castle where Tom is surrounded by knights and then dead by knights.

Gwen screams and runs and screams some more as they haul her dad’s body out of the castle. She’s supposed to be crying, but I think she’s just constipated. A tear or two would be nice here, Angel. Just sayin’. Morgana watches on in abject disapproval and anger.

Fantastically, she stomps into Uther’s chambers and points out that he exhibits no redeemable qualities and that he’s the worst king to ever live. Ever. He tells her to knock it off or he’ll have her arrested, but she’s starting to embrace the possibility that she’s special, so she calls his bluff with a fabulous, “You just try.” Bitch is fierce!

And he tosses her in jail. Oops.

Now, do you know what time it is, kiddies? Yep! It’s time for another episode of Parenting With Uther! *applause* “You’ll remain here until you’ve learned your lesson,” he slimes at her. Truly angry now, she tells him he’s mad with power and tyrannical, but for some reason she looks surprised when he slams the door on her. Oh, Morgana, so much to learn.

Back in Merlin’s room, Gwen is being sad and Merlin is being empathetic. Arthur comes in and secures his place in everyone’s hearts as The Best Future King/Boyfriend/Husband Ever. He tells Gwen that her job is safe and her house is hers for life, he guarantees her that. And then he looks miserable and says that he’s sorry.

Gwen goes home that night because I would wager Merlin is sick of sleeping in a chair, but when she gets there, Voldemort grabs her and demands the stone back. She, of course, has no idea what in the name of Merlin he’s talking about. (Oh, yes, I did just go there!) He tells her that he’ll be at the Darkling Woods at dawn in two days and she had better bring the stone to him or he’ll come back and kill the hell out of her. Gwen’s all, “Eeep!”

Gaius and Merlin do some research and find a stone (they call it something else but I’m calling it a philosopher’s stone), in a book, which, for all you youngsters, is like a totally old version of the internet, so you know whatever it says is true.

Arthur lets himself into Morgana’s huge-ass cell and she goes all feral animal on him, asking if he’s proud to be Uther’s son and what a good little errand boy he is. But Arthur just does his Dean Winchester Ducky Lips at her like I do not have time for your premenstrual crap. Then he releases her and warns her that he had to say all kinds of untrue things to get his dad to let her go and plz to not be makin a liar of him kthx. She says thanks and tells him he’s a better man than his dad. Arthur just stands there looking like he’s painfully aware of this fact.

Back in her room, Morgana and Gwen have a little moment when they confess their undying love for one another, kind of like Arthur and Merlin last week. Gwen then confesses that Voldemort attacked and threatened her about the stone. Morgana, ever the thinker, rushes off to “alert the guards” so they can go meet Voldy instead of Gwen. She is a big liar!

Sometime in the middle of the night, Merlin wakes up and the stone glows in Morgana’s hands, as she heads off to meet the enemy. Merlin follows and overhears her make a deal to ambush and kill Uther. Voldemort’s all, “You remind me of this guy I knew once. Except your hair is cleaner and your nose is smaller.” Morgana scoffs and makes a plan. Merlin makes big, scared eyes from behind a tree.

Merlin’s conflicted and distracted for the rest of the day, so Gaius is all, “’Sup?” And Merlin’s all, “Gotta go!”

He visits the Chamber of Secrets to have a word with The Slash Dragon, who pretty much tells him that Uther totally has it coming. He’s right, but Merlin’s not feeling it because of some moral issues or something.

Uther, who eats with his gloves on, is having a meal when Morgana comes in and apologizes just like she means it, tugs at his heartstrings about her own father’s death, and runs off before he can really respond. What a pro!

In the Chamber of We’re Always Right But We’re Really Sorry About It, Merlin has a private ethical and moral dilemma. He and Gaius have a chat about whether or not Arthur is ready to be king and come to the conclusion that he isn’t. Come on guys, a ferret would be better than Uther. Anyway, Gaius gets his Dumbledore on and asks if there is anything Harry… I mean, Merlin needs to tell him, but Merlin insists that he cannot.

Uther confronts Morgana in a corridor and tells her he hates it when they fight and she agrees, though she’s clearly still intending to get him killed. She suggests that they take a trip and visit her dad’s grave and Uther says, “Nothing would give me greater happiness,” (truly, he says that, I’m not even putting words in his mouth) and I think he’s totally telling the truth that visiting dead people is his greatest pleasure. Uther, you creep.

Morgana sneaks off to tell Voldemort that the eagle has flown or whatever you say when someone takes the bait. Merlin watches from the shadows.

The next morning, Merlin is watching from some different shadows, as Morgana and Uther and some guards ride out of the city. Gwen finds him and unknowingly gives him a little pep talk about how killing Uther would just make them as bad as him and what would it solve anyway? Merlin looks at her like OMG YOU MAKE A GOOD POINT! And then he’s off in a flash!

He dashes home, grabs the magic walking stick that he totally murdered Ulfric for, and dashes off to catch up with the riding party.

Morgana’s plan goes swimmingly and Voldemort and his men kill the guards like ninjas, so Uther doesn’t even notice. He and Morgana are up by her dad’s grave, having a pretend tender moment until it becomes an actual tender moment and she suddenly realizes the gravity of what she’s doing. Uther admits that he was wrong and that he like loves her or something and like she’s his honorary daughter and stuff. Lucky for her, Merlin is there and totally kills all of Voldy’s henchmen like he’s a ninja too. But Voldy doesn’t go out so easy and sneaks up behind Uther. Morgana screams and Uther turns around just in time to knock the sword away from his would be murderer. They tussle for a bit and it totally reminds me of that time Adama and Tigh got into an old man fight on Battlestar Galactica. That’s when Morgana manages to stab Voldemort in the back and save Uther. He is grateful.

And so is Merlin because, man, this saving everyone all the time shtick has got to be exhausting.

You know where they go, now pay up so I can keep getting these new, fancy titles.