Big Brother – Recap & Review – Season 13 Premiere

photo:cbs

Big Brother
Season 13 Premiere

Original Air Date: JUL 7, 2011

Lauren A – TwoCents Reviewer
lauren@thetwocentscorp.com

If you’re a Big Brother super-fan (like me!), just a regular fan, or new to the show this season, you’ve probably heard about the Dynamic Duo twist. Or maybe you’ve been living under a rock for the last two weeks… in which case, let me fill you in. As (fairly normally clad) host Julie Chen says, “from secret alliances to public show-mances, dynamic duos have ruled Big Brother”. And for the most part, she’s right. But Big Brother is notorious for promising huge twists that sometimes fall flat, so what were we to expect? Definitely not all this! Looks like season 13 will be full of some truly dynamic twists that will keep the 14 houseguests and the cult of BB viewers on their toes!

The season opener gave us a glimpse of this year’s house, which is really a studio on the CBS lot, and reminded us that 52 cameras and 95 microphones will be on hand to record every moment of the next 3 months (give or take) as houseguests compete for food, luxuries, power, and a $500,000 prize. The house is Venice Beach themed, and I couldn’t help but notice all of the “broken pairs” in the décor… surfboards cut in half adorn the kitchen walls, beds seem to fit together like puzzle pieces, and so forth. Ok, I cheated and looked at the online pictures when they came out last week, but still. BB is a game where details matter, so keep your I-Spy Eyes open!

On to the good stuff (oh, who am I kidding – it’s all good!): Which lucky contenders get to live in this peek-a-boo palace for the summer?

Let’s meet the contestants…
Dominic – A 25 year-old virgin who loves fast bikes and lives with his mom. First Impression: We’re giving this guy booze, half-naked chicks, and 3 months of playing a game that doesn’t come with controllers? He’ll be blacked out in the skeezy hot tub before you know it.

Cassi – A drop dead gorgeous model and self proclaimed “Southern, tomboy, guys’ girl”. First Impression: The pretty girls usually get the (cowboy) boot first, but I hope she has enough grit to stick (pony) around.

Lawon – A bright, bold, and rather flamboyant guy with a big smile and seemingly good attitude. First Impression: I guess this is our token player this year, but token what? He seems hard to read… maybe there’s a seasoned player hiding under all those flashy accessories.

Keith – Youth minister, Deacon, and hound dog who tells us straight-up that he’s interested in chasing some tail. First Impression: I really don’t want to like anyone who uses the phrase, “when I’m not in church I’m chasing girls”, but he kind of makes me laugh… Jury’s out.

Shelly – A company exec and mom who seems to do some kind of work involving ‘gators and other wildlife in the swamps of Louisiana. First Impression: Thank goodness they cast the older mom figure as a total bad-ass this year! I hope she can wrangle up the houseguests as well as she wrangles up critters.

Adam – This bald and tatted-up Metal lover has a passion for Beverly Hills 90210 and appletinis. First Impression: This guy is suffering from a major identity crisis. And maybe a mid-life crisis. There are a lot of crises happening here, not the least of which is that all black wardrobe.

Kalia – Describes herself as the real-life Carrie Bradshaw, and thinks her “gift of gab” will be her biggest weapon in the house. First Impression: Girl, we all think we’re Carries, but the truth is that some of us are just Mirandas. And I see some “watch how Kalia never stops talking” montages in the BB future.

Porsche – a VIP waitress whose apparent claim to fame is being “the hottest girl everywhere (she) goes”. First Impressions: Wasn’t Rachel (BB12) a “VIP Hostess”? And we all know how that turned out.

And… that’s it! There are only 8 new houseguests. If you haven’t figured it out by now, part of the Dynamic Duo twist is that duos from previous seasons of BB will join these 8 contestants. But they don’t know that – at least not yet. They enter the house confused but excited, and we get our first glimpse at some promising diary room sessions. Strategic lies are already flowing during the meet and greet. Keith doesn’t spill the beans about his position in the church and instead claims to be a professional matchmaker, hoping the ladies will see this as a reason to flock to him. HA! This is hilarious to me. Maybe not smart game play, but hilarious. Adam and Shelly are open and honest. When everyone finds out Kalia writes a relationship column they “Keith and Kalia sitting in a tree” her. She doesn’t seem to fight it, and Keith’s DR comments about her, um, puppies (really?!) indicate that he’s not opposed to some k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Porsche has her eye on Dominic, and also says she’s a student so the other houseguests won’t be jealous of her “luxurious” life as a cocktail waitress and decide she doesn’t need the half-million. Lawon promises nicknames for everyone (fun!) and more crazy clothes. Cassi doesn’t ‘fess up to being a model to avoid the stigma. They’re going to have to stick with these lies or defend their telling of them over the next 3 months, so I hope they can all keep their stories straight!

Let’s twist again
The houseguests are quickly called to the living room for a video-chat with Julie. She explains that each player must pick a partner and play the game as a pair. Which I expected. But the shocker? The partner of whoever wins Head of Household is safe for the week, and instead of nominating individual players for eviction, the HOH must nominate a duo. Ah, another turn in the Dynamic Duo twist! The houseguests semi-reluctantly pair up… the teams: Adam/Dominic, Shelly/Cassi, Lawon/Kalia, and Keith/Porsche. I actually really wanted Adam and Dominic to pair up. I think they’re a good combination. Just gut instinct!

And then… DING DONG! The BB doorbell rings, and the first veteran duo enters, and it’s… Well, crap. It’s Brenchel. Rachel and Brendon from BB12 are undeniably good TV, but not two people that I really want to see three nights a week. Rachel is a somethingresemblingred-head from “VEGAS, B*TCHES!” who doesn’t want anyone to come between her and HER MAN, Brendon. The two met last season and hit it off because they’re fellow scientists who have yet to convince me that they know anything about science. They terrorized the house, won a ton of competitions, and then got engaged after the season wrapped. But neither of them won the big prize, so I guess they’re back for a second chance. The houseguests seemed about as enthusiastic as I was to see the couple.

DING DONG again! Quicker than you can say “ne-ander-TALL” (a little BB12 inside joke), Jeff and Jordan are back in the house! I triple heart love Jeff and Jordan, who also met in the house during their season – BB11. The two are basically the William and Kate of BB, and Jeff’s street savvy is hilariously matched with Jordan’s slow drawl and inability to do any kind of mathematical calculation. Jordan won her season (with Jeff’s help), so I’m sure this team will have a huge target on their collective back. For now, though, the original 8 are awed just to be in the presence of genuinely good people.

One last DING DONG and (gasp!) Evel Dick and Daniele are inside! Dick and Daniele are father and daughter, famously paired up in their season against their wishes… some family drama kept the two just short of enemies. And, sure enough, Dick announces to the BB13 crew that he and Daniele haven’t spoken in 3 years. Jeff is quick to point out that he’s not 100% sure that the two aren’t on speaking terms… is this just good game play? Dick won his season, and is a lot of BB fans’ favorite. player. ever. For example, Adam was so excited to see Dick that he compared the returning houseguest to Tori Spelling. Ok, maybe not the best example, but you get the idea. Mostly I just felt sorry for Daniele… her face indicated that she is less than thrilled about spending time velcroed to her father’s side.

This stuff is BANANAS
The first HOH competition of the summer involved the houseguests hanging (as duos) from big plastic-like bananas. It was clearly The Veterans vs. The Newbies, but the new teams just couldn’t hang on. The competition came down to Rachel and Daniele, and Rachel promised Daniele safety. Daniele stupidly let go, and Rachel is our first HOH. But she has a lot to consider in that dyed and fried head of hers… Julie came back on the living room screen to inform the houseguests that although one houseguest will be evicted each week, the houseguest that survives eviction will automatically go through to be in the top 10! This twist has a name – The Big Brother Golden Key. The Golden Key player(s) will not be allowed to play in any competition until only 10 players remain in the house, but are allowed to vote for eviction.

Did you see this last twist coming?? I sure didn’t. BB is really shaking things up this season… Who were you most excited or dismayed to see return, and which Dynamic Duo are you rooting for? Do you think Brenchel and the veteran duos will stick together and try to oust the newbies? Or will Brenchel finally use those brains of theirs and try to get the more experienced players out first? We’ll find out Sunday night… see you then! In the meantime, leave your TwoCents here!