Original Air Date: May 26, 2013
Ryan O – Staff Writer
In the third episode of the new season, we follow Lindsay. We watch what happens to her from when she found out she was adopted at the end of the third season through a visit to India to ending up on an ostrich farm.
It’s a pretty good episode that includes some fun callbacks, a few Easter eggs, and a couple of interesting cameos. It also features things that will be called back to — pieces that will make sense later.
The episode opens with Lindsay questioning whether everything in India is real. The Indian man assures her it is. She doesn’t remember “Vuitton” having two “Es.” He tells her it does and that it’s the best bag on the mountain. A confederate starts trying to buy the bag, which prompts Lindsay to buy it immediately and pay a lot more.
We flashback to the Queen Mary at the end of season 3 and to when she found out she was adopted. Then, she’s with the rest of her family in a Coast Guard station in the aftermath. We don’t really know what happened, but Lucille seems to be in trouble. Lindsay is talking with Tobias about how she’s not a member of the family when GOB comes sailing through the scene yelling, “I got my ‘Yes’!” Wonder what that’s about. She wraps up the talk by telling Tobias that there’s nothing keeping them together. Hmm, coughing in the background, wonder what that’s about.
Lindsay gets to the “pray” section of Eat, Pray, Love and gets some inspiration. She packs a bag (she has to repack since it was too full — she dumps photos of Maeby) and is headed to India.
On the drive to airport, she and the taxi driver shout at another driver, “Stay in your lane, anus tart!” That’s a weird epithet, isn’t it?
In the airport in India, Lindsay grabs her bag and goes to her hotel. In the background of the baggage claim is a film crew. Wonder what that’s about. Her bus runs someone over and you can hear a faint, “Oh, God.” People tell her not to worry. It wasn’t as if they hit a cow, it was just a tourist.
Lindsay opens her bag, pulls out a familiar-looking pirate-esque blouse and realizes it isn’t her bag. Later, at the front desk, she arranges to see a shaman and asks them to remove the lamb smell from her room, “And what animal smell would you prefer?”
The shaman tells Lindsay to live life truthfully and also that she is full of [poop]. “Love is where you left it.” Lindsay says all she has back home is Tobias. The shaman asks if she has a child. Lindsay, thinking the shaman is flirting (because what shaman doesn’t flirt?), says no. Doesn’t that shaman look sort of familiar though?
Upon returning to the front desk, the clerk tells her that her AMEX card has been declined and her shaman appointment was cancelled. Lindsay is confused; she turns around to look for the shaman only to see an ostrich. Needing money, Lindsay calls home and Lucille tells her she’ll get money if she comes home and attends Lucille’s trial.
Lindsay returns home and is at a family meeting in Lucille and George’s condo. She tells everyone she’s going to try to make it work with Tobias.
Tobias and Lindsay go to a realtor, who is played by Ed Helms, which is a nice callback. He played a real estate agent that Lindsay was attracted to in a prior season. Lindsay, again, says she doesn’t have a child, but then admits that she does. The camera pulls back to reveal that Maeby is there, too. Maeby says she was going to jump in but wanted to see if her parents admitted on their own to having a kid.
They have no income and no job and no work ethic. The realtor assures them this is 2006 and it’s not a problem. The realtor talks them into a variety of extras to get on a new home. A second master bathroom. A wine cellar. A double-gatehouse. “That way, we’ll have it.” They end up in a massive 10,000-square-foot home.
Lindsay is going over the testimony she’s going to give at Lucille’s trial. She asks Lucille if she really wants her to say the next line, “suckled at her champagne-glass breasts.” It turns out that it was based on something Buster wrote when he was at Camp Kissamemommy, except camp was in Lucille’s bedroom and we see Kristen Wiig as a young Lucille feeding Buster the line.
Lucille tells Lindsay she’s more like Lucille than she knows.
Tobias and Lindsay watch news of the housing market crash. In separate beds in their bedroom. Then, they walk around their house, shouting to each other as they look for one another. It’s a clever way to put the two of them in the same scene while not having them in the same shot, which is a consideration since the actors had pretty tight schedules. They discuss how Lucille isn’t going to pay Lindsay unless the testimony sounds believable. They decide neither of them ever sounds believable, which leads to the decision to go to an acting clinic Tobias found.
At the Method One Acting Clinic, there’s a bulletin board with notices saying, “ACT NOW!” and “Feeling blue?” A worker tells them to fill out some forms, which has questions, including how they first got hooked. Tobais: “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.” Lindsay takes a better look at the forms. “Garden Grove Methadone Clinic.” The people standing up to speak aren’t practicing monologues, they’re drug addicts.
Lindsay goes to get coffee. She meets a guy, Marky Bark. It turns out Marky is the son of the activist who sat in a tree near the model home. Marky tells us he’s dead — a bunch of deranged bees chased him out of a tree and he fell to his death.
Marky is there with DeBrie, his girlfriend. The foursome decide to go out to eat together. Lindsay and Tobias talk about how great Marky and Debrie are. This, too, is shot in one-shots, Tobias apparently driving while Lindsay spends the whole trip texting. Once they get there, we see Tobias had a round tray in his hand and Lindsay was driving (… while texting the whole way).
The foursome go to CW Swappigans. It’s a barter restaurant. Just as it sounds, you trade stuff for food. They’re not accepting any more lava lamps. They’re also no longer accepting hotel soaps. DeBrie breaks into some butter and rubs it on her face (of course, making her a “butter face”). Tobias thinks she’s doing an improv bit and tries to “Yes, and” his way through it but he’s got nothing. Tobias takes her to the bathroom to clean up. Lindsay and Marky chat. Marky initially thought she was a vapid woman who lives in 10,000-square-foot house built on wetlands. “Those were wetlands? That explains our Thanksgiving miracle!” We flashback to Lindsay and Maeby in the kitchen and no one has made dinner. Lindsay opens a cabinet to find a duck. No, a LIVE duck. The family herds the duck into the oven using big signs. (One says, “Mommy, What Will I Look Like?” Another nice callback.)
Lindsay mentions to Marky how her shaman turned into an ostrich. Marky, coincidentally, runs an ostrich farm. Marky tells her his motto is, “Live truthfully and skate through life,” which is actually the motto of a skateboard company (Halliburton Teens) (Also, you see the irony there, right?). Lindsay feels a connection to him. They leave together.
They make love in a camper. They were stuck in traffic. They jump out of the camper and back into Marky’s car and drive to the ostrich farm. Marky mentions he has face blindness. He can’t tell Lindsay is pretty.
Lindsay wakes up being pecked by an ostrich. Marky’s mom is yelling at her. Under her breath, Lindsay mutters “I have the worst shaman.”
Next on Arrested Development, Lindsay cuts her hair. “Great, even cuter.”
I thought this was a good start for Lindsay’s story. The episode was a bit heavy on exposition, which is understandable. Lindsay’s exploration of who she is makes a lot of sense after finding out she was adopted.
What did you think of the episode?