The Future Dunphys
Original Air Date: Apr 3, 2013
Wyner C – Senior Reviewer
Just like Whitney belted out in “Greatest Love of All,” children are our future. We put our hopes and faith in these little buggers – let’s pray they’ll take care of things better than we have.
At the Dunphy household, Haley wants to quit her job because it’s boring (welcome to life, child), Alex is continuing her nerd-dom and Luke is continuing his mad scientist lifestyle. Claire doesn’t agree with her children’s choices while Phil finds nothing is wrong. All will have to wait because Claire has to go in for an angiogram – a precautionary test.
At the hospital, Claire and Phil meet the future Dunphys – three adults whose personalities mirror the little Dunphys. We find out BizarroHaley has been married four times and is unhappy in another marriage, BizarroAlex is a cat lady, and BizarroLuke is a man-child that’s probably on a first name basis with the police.
Phil knows the error of his ways while Claire sees the BizarroDunphys hate their mother and knows the error of her ways. Both, separately, call their children who interpret the schizo behavior as Claire being really sick. They arrive at the hospital to see their parents okay and realize it’s just another overreaction – the children freak out, leading to BizarroBizarroDunphys (younger version of the Dunphys) to have judgy-face.
Jay takes Manny to interview at a private school. Unresolved issues surface as Jay relives his history with snotty private school boys with small noses – he worked for the privileged and wasn’t treated well. Jay realize, as the tour of the school continues, he wanted to BE the snotty boys with the small noses. His enthusiasm leads Manny to bomb his interview (doing the moonwalk at any interview is frowned upon). Manny apologizes to Jay since he knows it was important to the old man. Jay reciprocates – if Manny feels this was the first time Jay was proud of him, then the old man is the one to say sorry…ahhhh….
Gloria is busy with Lily on a girl-day. It all comes to a screeching halt when Lily declares she’s gay. Mitchell, Cam, and Gloria realize Lily is equating heritage with gay – her friend is Italian because of the parents, therefore, logic dictates she’s gay; baby logic is adorbs. When Cam and Mitchell tell Lily she’s Vietnamese and grasps at finding anything to say about Vietnam, Gloria voices her disappointment. They don’t know anything about Vietnam; no wonder Lily is confused!
The foursome goes to a Vietnamese restaurant. The young one makes a scene when she declares she hates Vietnam. Gloria uses this time as a therapy session – this is what’s wrong with children in America: they want to forget their culture and just assimilate. This stems from Manny forgetting his Spanish and Joe will probably never learn it.
Gloria doesn’t want to be the different one in the family – eureka! Lily feels the same – she just wants to be like the rest of her family. They tell Lily that family is about love, not about appearance or heritage. Also, Lily made a scene at a restaurant, don’t worry: she’s one of them.
Favorite moments/Things to ponder:
1. When Cam and Mitchell start talking about Vietnam and couldn’t find anything to say, I was screaming “Pho”! Dude, Pho, done right, is delicious! I’m glad they tried it at the restaurant. I had it in Vietnam and it was one of the best meals of my trip – my other favorite was cockles (not penises, clams).
2. Some interesting details/facts about Vietnam that pops into uninformed minds are:
Have farms with water buffalos
Have bikes – so many bikes
People wear sun hats…while biking
3. The politically incorrect phrases that came out of Mitchell, Cam, Lily, and Gloria were hilarious. Some gems:
Mitchell on Lily thinking she’s gay: It’s probably just a phase.
Lily, screaming at a Vietnamese restaurant: I hate Vietnam!
Mitchell, as lesbians stroll by: Honey, no you’re not gay, you are just confused.
Gloria, as an elderly Caucasian couple stroll by: They’re just going to grow up and become boring white people.
Cam, as an African-American couple stroll by: Most of our friends are white, actually.
Cam, as the restaurant silences at exactly this moment: I think we would all be better off if people would go back to where they came from.
~ The last one killed me! I get what Cam was saying but taken out of context, you have a proud member of the KKK
4. Family moment(s) of the episode:
Jay apologizing to Manny; if the boy felt Jay was proud of him for the first time then it’s Jay’s failure – he’s always proud of Manny. He’s such a great man.
There was a Stella sighting! Yay!! I thought the Mitchell/Cam/Gloria/Lily storyline was great. Did you enjoy it? Do you know more about Vietnam than Mitchell/Cam? (Yes) Do private school boys really have small noses? Would BizarroDunphys really be the Dunphy’s fate? Discuss away!!!!