Zane vs. Zane
Original Air Date: Jan 31, 2013
Wyner C – Senior Reviewer
Daddy issues are not uncommon. It’s how you handle it during your adulthood that shows your strength/character. My dad used to squeeze my arms to see how fat I’m getting – well, the joke’s on him: I’m a growing woman and his hands aren’t big enough. That’s right, brush it off – it’s what parents do: they get under your skin. My arms will never be twigs, I am better than my arms – I have more to give to the world (like an awesome recap containing some insightful semi-psychoanalysis of my childhood). I realize I’m stronger because of my childhood. What I’m saying is: Rachel, stop whining and being a drama queen – suck it up.
Rachel hasn’t told her daddy that she’s gotten a great LSAT score so, naturally she gets mad when her dad gently wants her to diversify her career. I get what he’s saying – it’s not that she’s dumb but maybe law isn’t her cup of tea. I’m good with math but ask me to read Shakespeare and I rather be Brutus’ friend. Daddy Zane never said she’s stupid, she thinks he’s saying it; I thought he was quite gentle (she’s irrational). Needless to say, whatever Daddy Zane says, Rachel would turn it around so she can have the “woe-is-me” Rachel Zane One Woman act. I dislike this character to the core.
In actual interesting news, a gender discrimination suit is about to settle when the opposing lawyer keeled over and died – nobody was sad which is depressing for the dead and the living. The case is being taken over by the infamous Robert Zane, Rachel’s dad. Daddy Zane is a tad bit insensitive but a realist – my kind of man. Instead of settling for $10M, as previously agreed upon, Realist Zane is offering $2M. My math tells me that’s a whole lotta less.
To make matters personal, Robert goes above Harvey to Jessica. Daddy Zane thinks Pearson Hardman is sinking and a big win would look good, granted it’s $8M less. You now Fierce Jessica isn’t going to let the insult fly – she wants Harvey to cut this bitch (my words not hers, she’s too demure for my potty mouth).
Rachel, feeling insulted for no-good-reason other than her insanity, wants to be on the case: she wants to prove to daddy she’s tough. At the deposition, Daddy Zane slams the plaintiff – he is good. Rachel, being not awesome, internalizes everything due to her daddy issues. How did this strong man raise such a whiner!!
Robert basically lays his case out: Sloan, the plaintiff, wasn’t discriminated. She wasn’t good enough for a promotion; she wasn’t passed over because she’s a woman. Her job search yielded no results because she isn’t qualified. Rachel, sitting in the deposition, thinks it’s all about her (somebody call the whaaambulance). It takes Mike to remind Rachel the Earth revolves around the sun, not Planet Rachel. Also, remember the client? She’s numero uno.
Sloan’s scared of Robert Zane and wants the $2M but Robert pulls the offer. It’s personal now; they put his daughter in the middle of things. Eh, not really but the plot needs to move along so Mike can find something big. In this case, it’s a systematic discrimination against women. When women were passed over for promotions, certain key words were used to justify the move (high-strung was the most offensive to me).
It’s now a class action lawsuit and it means more Benjamins for Pearson Hardman. Robert does something unexpected; he offers Jessica a merging of the firms: Pearson Zane. Also, he’s declassifying the “class” because women are different so it’s not a real class – bitch please, that’s weak sauce. Whenever men want to generalize, it’s “women this” and “women that” but throw in a class action lawsuit, it’s all about the individual.
If declassified, it can burden and eventually kill Pearson Hardman. Jessica, being a strong woman, tells Robert: thanks but no thanks. She’s willing to fight all the cases because she’s woman so hear her roar. The first case might be tough but afterwards, it’s cha-ching-ing to the bank.
All the while, Robert reconciles with Rachel (she tells him about her LSAT score). He just wants her to be happy and not stuck in an unhappy place – striving to be something that may not be unattainable. Understanding…no hugs, though. Realist Zane doesn’t hug – he grunts his approval. As for the case, Robert yields. He’s dropping it due to conflict of interest. He’s passing the case onto…Daniel Hardman. Hardman’s like herpes; he’ll never go away and is prone to flare-ups!!!
In other firm news, it’s all-out war between Louis and Katrina Bennett. Louis is directing his vitriol to Katrina because he didn’t get Maria, his own associate. The two prank each other – she gives him the wrong date so he misses a meeting with a judge, he switches her evidence out with photoshopped pictures of himself as dead presidents…you know, adult problem solving. It devolves into Louis being in jail for carrying a concealed weapon into a courthouse – his $2K gold plated cuticle trimmer planted by Katrina and found by a security guard friend of Ms. Bennett.
The two calls a truce – I mean, he’s not really mad at her and she realizes he’s not targeting her because she’s a woman. Louis worships women: grandmother, mother, Hillary Clinton, Gwen Stefani to name a diverse few.
In more hilarious firm news, Louis lets Donna know he’s sort of hurt Donna and Harvey are somewhat ignoring him. There used to be pranks – a sign of respect, according to poor abused Louis. To prove Louis is still respected and loved (albeit a few degrees less loved than before), mugshots of Louis with hilarious captions were posted in his office. Instead of being mad, Louis rejoices that he’s still part of the team (the butt but he’s happy). Harvey cares enough to prank him again. I’m glad he did because those posters were dynamite!!
Favorite moments/Things to ponder:
1. Some of Louis’ mugshot captions:
– Senior Asshole (my favorite)
– Norma’s Bitch
– Dangerous with Perfectly Sculpted Cuticles
– Arrested for Being a Dick
– Abraham Loser
– Nail-Scissor Assassin
2. I don’t want to imagine Rachel growing up with a Tiger Mom. The story of her dad jokingly saying second best ain’t bad for being salutatorian is NOTHING compared to Tiger Mom material. My mom would shame me for getting a 98 – where did those two points go? Where you left your brain? That’s the nice version. Get over it – I don’t cry thinking about it. I tell myself my 98 rocked while crawling to a corner to curl into fetal position because the flashbacks are a-coming and it ain’t going to be pretty. I kid…maybe.
3. Rachel going into the men’s room should be illegal, right? I mean, really?
4. Foie Gras DOES taste like ass. I didn’t know what it was when I put it in my mouth and almost threw up – NEVER again. Also, those poor ducks but it’s too political to talk about, just look it up.
5. Absolutely loved it when Robert Zane called Jessica a chess master and she said no, she’s playing dominoes – once she wins the first case, all the rest would be falling and it’ll be raining money. I mean, she was killing it on all fronts. She was sassy, mean but elegant all at once. More of those scenes please!!!
6. I get the NYC references but a bagel from a food cart? Um, no Harvey. That’s tourist material. I’m disappointed.
7. There were soooo many good zingers and exchanges in this episode but I’m going with the following because it involved a couch. Being a couch potato, it’s personal.
Harvey: This better not end up with you in bed with her, telling her your secret.
Mike: Not a problem, we’ll do it on the couch….Wow, that was not respectful to me, you, or her.
H: Or her father.
M: Or your couch.
H: Not my couch.
Did you love Louis’ list of women he worships? (I adored it!!) Which was your favorite Litt mugshot caption? Your favorite zinger/exchange? Loved the movie references!! Happy to see Louis part of the gang-ish again? Will Daniel Hardman go away?!! Does Rachel annoy you as much as she does me? Do you think I’m too harsh on her? (No) Discuss away!!!!