The Adventures of Twill Ongenbone and His Boy Jabari
Original Air Date: Jan 13, 2013
Kym Caffrey – Senior Reviewer
It’s graduation day at Georgetown University and Roger, also known as Twill Ongenbone, is getting his Masters in Archeology. Only it’s a sham. All of his credits were transfers from a fake university. Of course they were. Roger’s never actually earned an award in his entire life – and Stan is quick to point that out.
Even his Oscar actually belonged to Cuba Gooding, Jr. Roger just bought it on eBay.
Roger is devastated and Francine tries to explain that if he wants people to appreciate his awards he has to earn them himself – and that she believes in him and that he’s capable of doing something wonderful. He’s so excited that he’s able to create a rainbow right there in his room. Unfortunately, it’s made of pee pee – ew. He decides to start the very next day and train for a marathon. Stan doesn’t believe he can do it, so Francine decides to be his trainer and a montage ensues. It seems like he’s really trying, but this is Roger, so we shall see.
Marathon day arrives and Roger immediately gets run over by the rest of the runners and hurts his ankle. Francine tries to make it up to him and buys him ice cream before giving him his “Frannie” award for working so hard to prepare for the marathon even if he didn’t actually get to participate. It’s all very touching until he tells her to pull over so he can jump out of the car and dash across the finish line in front of everyone else and claim the trophy and prizes for winning the marathon. When Francine calls him on faking the win, he tells her he never even would have finished. He hasn’t been going running every day – he’s just been running to the corner and having a cigarette or two before spending a couple of hours in a porta-potty at a local construction site. Francine is so angry she takes back her “Frannie” and swears she’s done – no more praise, no more help, no more anything. Roger is forced to try to take his own picture with his new Miata, but the pictures end up capturing him getting beaten up. Francine has no sympathy and he swears he’s going to do “something real” to get her friendship back and actually become an archeologist. He even takes her to his dig, where he claims that they haven’t found anything so far, but suddenly finds something, just before the ground collapses and they suddenly discover an underground tribe. They tribe members lead Francine away for a “traditional ceremony” and we discover that it was all a setup – of course – and that they’re all just actors. I thought for sure she’d figure it out too when they broke into the dance number, but she’s just fascinated and refuses to leave afterward. She thinks they should stay and study these people.
Three hours later, they’re still there and the actors are running out of material and want to go home, so Roger fakes an “incident” so that the “tribe” will chase them out. It all goes bad when Francine panics and stabs the tribesman that turns out to be Cuba Gooding, Jr. and Roger is forced to confess to the ruse. Instead of being angry though, Francine is instead impressed by the effort he went to and the obvious work that went into regaining her friendship. She gives him his “Frannie” back, but in the meantime his Oscar has disappeared – Stan has returned it to Cuba at his funeral.
So, what was everyone else doing? Well, Steve’s been trying to do a project for school where the kids are supposed to interview their fathers – but Stan doesn’t want to answer his questions. He doesn’t want to get that personal. He tells his friends he’s worried about failing, but Snot’s got a bigger worry on that front. His father went to Home Depot five years ago and didn’t come back. Seems like a pretty unfair assignment to me. They suggest he try calling his Dad – maybe he would open up more if it wasn’t face to face. This works a little too well. Stan still won’t answer the questions Steve’s supposed to ask, but he talks freely about how many men he’s killed and how he’s come to enjoy it. Later, when Steve tries to call again, it’s all about Stan’s opinions of sex with Francine. Uncomfortable for Steve, but his friends are enjoying it. Ultimately he gives up and when report day arrives he tries to explain that his Dad just wasn’t cooperative. When the teacher doesn’t believe him, Steve just calls Stan again and gets his thought on suicide for the entire class to hear – leading to the teacher deciding he’s right and jumping out the window. Will Steve ever recover from knowing this much about his father?
I have mixed feelings this week. I was entertained, but I think the subplot with Steve and Stan was funnier than the main storyline. The main plot focused on the aspects of Roger that have always irked me the most and, in the end, he gets rewarded for them anyway. If only he’d realize that he puts more effort into conning everyone with fake achievements than the actual achievements themselves would take, he might get more of the respect he so craves by doing something meaningful with his theatrical talents.