Modern Family – Recap & Review – Express Christmas

photo: abc

Modern Family
Express Christmas

Original Air Date: Dec 7, 2011

Karen Belgrad – Senior Editor
karenbelgrad@thetwocentscorp.com

I know today feels like December 7, 2011. But it’s not. It’s actually December 16, 2011. Do you doubt me? Well I have the Dunphy-Pritchett-Delgado-Tucker clan to back me up. And not only is it December 16th… it’s Express Christmas ™!!!

Yes, Christmas may be a few weeks away, but the aforementioned families were with us to celebrate tonight. And since I watched it on DVR, fast forwarding through the commercials, they made sure I had an extended Target commercial to boot. But more on that in a moment!

First we learn that DeDe Pritchett (Claire/Mitchell’s mom, we miss you Shelley Long!) is skipping family Christmas and on a cruise with her boyfriend. Cam’s planning on a trip to Missouri (to see his family, not the Oakridge Boys). Gloria, Jay, and Manny are going to Mexico on the 25th (where Manny will surely be abducted, thanks Luke). So what the realize is that today, December 16th, is their last chance to be all together before actual Christmas. So while they sun themselves at Jay’s pool in the 95 degree California weather (where it’s actually in the upper 60’s), Phil introduces Express Christmas ™!

The plan is for the whole family to take on different tasks, reconvene at Claire and Phil’s in about four hours, and celebrate with a tree, turkey dinner, and presents. And it will all be over by 9:30, so Haley can attend a party since she got a B on a test. So let the cross-family mischief and mayhem begin…

Claire and Haley go to Target, home of product placement. Per Claire, this is the mission Haley has trained for her whole life… power shopping. They get through their whole list in record time, except for a ladybug nightlight for Lily. While Claire delays at the register, Haley goes after the desired gift. She gets to the display in time to see a (gay) man grab the last one. Realizing her bosom won’t help her with him, she (off-screen) gets an employee to loan her his staff shirt, offers to bring the man’s purchases to the register, and snags his nightlight. I felt bad for the shopper, as I don’t condone dirty Christmas shopping tricks.

Jay and Cam wrap presents at Cam’s mobile wrapping station (complete with many types of tape). Jay is curious as to his tiny gift box from Cam, and is confused when inside is a wine cork. Cam is hurt to have to explain it’s from the bottle of wine they shared five years ago, the first time they watched football together. He also got another bottle of said wine, with the date of the football-watching engraved. Jay, rightfully, explains he’s just not as sentimental and Cam needs to lower his expectations. But Cam pouts, stating he needs to wait till the “shame cloud clears.”

Phil and Manny are on grocery duty, but afterwards they make a stop so Phil can get a $200 mint Joe Dimaggio baseball card (which per Ebay is either really cheap or really overpriced, depending on the year). The seller wants more than the $200 and, in lieu of extra cash, wants Phil’s turkey. Manny thinks the man is trying to kidnap him (thanks Luke) and accidentally stun guns Phil. I think Phil’s stun gun stutter, walk, and seizing were the physical comedy highlight of the show. Unfortunately in the process, he bends, crumples, and destroys the baseball card.

Gloria and Luke search the attic for DeDe’s angel tree topper, which means a lot to the family. We have our obligatory “Gloria has an accent” moment when Luke/Look falls through the attic ceiling. They procure the angel and head out, but after Gloria runs over something (“Never look back”) with the car, the angel flies out of the sun roof and is beheaded. Note to self, chewing gum does not reaffix an angel head.

Alex, Lily, and Mitchell are procuring the tree (Douglas Fir, 8’, no bald spots), but Alex goes off on the salesman when she thinks he’s suggesting pink trees for them because Mitchell is gay. He wasn’t actually, rather he was pointing to a new shipment of their desired trees. Shamed, although Mitchell admits he does the same thing weekly, they take the first tree and tie to the car roof by themselves. So when they quickly brake the tree slides off the roof and is run over (by Gloria, see the “something” reference above).

Once everyone arrives at the Dunphy’s, things are a mess… The angel is re-decapitated, the tree is in pieces, Cam is freezing out Jay, and Phil has brought frozen Cornish game hens because the store was out of turkeys (on December 16th?). Phil snaps and tries to defrost the hens with the stun gun. And it all goes downhill when everyone declares themselves over Express Christmas ™.

Gloria decides it’s all because Mitchell and Claire miss their mommy, so she offers a hug (“You’re not our mom.” “It’s not Christmas.”), so she arranges a Skype call for them to DeDe. And just when everyone else is ready to leave, they see that Jay has arranged a snow machine out front, so they all get a white Express Christmas ™!

I was actually a little ‘meh’ on the episode until the closing minutes. The cuteness just won me over and made me smile. Cam and Jay hugging for 4-5 seconds. Snow Angels! Lily feeding Stella a snowball! So cute! And jay being ecstatic over reindeer ears for Stella was just perfect. I didn’t need Phil shocking Cam’s behind steadying the Christmas tree, but nothing’s perfect.

So you’ve got my TwoCents! Now share your TwoCents, comments, and feedback below!