Original Air Date: Oct 25, 2010
Meg – Sr. Reviewer
Poor Simon Lee. Yeah, sure he’s the linchpin of a vast alien conspiracy, but deep down in his time-traveling extraterrestrial heart, all he really wants is love. Agent Lee is front and center in tonight’s episode, as he flashes back to happier times in the past and spectacularly fails to keep his cover, in the present. Elsewhere, Sophia escapes with Thomas, while Laila and Sean meet a crazy gunslinger who doesn’t realize she’s not on The X-Files…
Read on for the full recap and review – make sure to leave your comments!
1954 – At the Beach
Simon is frolicking on the beach with Violet, his lady-friend. She says she likes watching him (amen to that, sister!). He makes vague references to “his past” and how “where I am from, there was no water.” Violet totally ignores his weirdness and chatters on about blah blah rainbowlovefishcakes. Thomas, the perpetual wet blanket, shows up to tell Simon that he needs to ditch Violet and rejoin the alien chain gang. Simon actually tries to use “but I fell in love!” as an excuse and I suddenly understand why he never made the alien debate team.
10 years ago – Reunited (and it feels so good?)
While strolling about, Simon bumps into an old lady who—to the shock of absolutely nobody – just happens to be his long-abandoned love, Violet. Despite being old and allegedly Alzheimery, Violet immediately recognizes Simon and starts getting grabby. Wow, Violet has issues. If I passed someone in the street who looked like my old boyfriend, my first thought would be, “hey, that kid looks a lot like my old flame” NOT “OMG! My boyfriend has been in a time vortex!”
She blathers on about how he’s come back for her and how he can’t leave her again. Okay… Violet, honey? Have some backbone! This guy abandoned you! I know cougars are hip, but you are seriously not doing yourself any favors here.
Later Simon visits her in her nursing home and tells her that he never stopped loving her. He talks about how they would have gotten married and grown old together, but instead “baby, you got real ugly” (sorry – couldn’t resist the Evil Dead reference!)
Now – Urban Escapades
Per Thomas’ instructions last episode, Sophia has been released from prison and allowed to board a DC metro. Personally, if I’d just been freed from 66 years of imprisonment, a dip on the metro wouldn’t have been my first choice, but I’m not a time-traveling alien mastermind, so what do I know?
Sophia finds a communication device and (ignoring my cries of “Hygiene! Hygiene!) puts it in her ear. Ew! Girl, you do not know where that has been! As the magical earwig connects Sophia to Thomas, she chews him out for being so rash. He protests “nobody died!” I hate to interfere in alien politics, but, ummm…. Thomas? People totally died. Then you un-died them. And then they re-almost-died again, so…
President Handsome and his national security minions have injected an isotope into Sophia’s blood so they can track her movements. I remember this from an episode of 24 and I’m pretty sure a guy lost an arm over it. Guard your limbs, Sophia! President Handsome instructs the team to not harm Sophia. He’s pretty adamant about it, which is bizarre since he was totally willing to kill her last episode. Fickle friend, much?
Agent Simon Lee asks to be sent to the field so he can “help” (aka sabotage everything). Since nobody realizes that Simon is a giant hulk of ALIEN, he gets his way and rushes off to (secretly) help Sophia. He intercepts her at a coffee shop and ingeniously spikes the creamer with the same tracking isotope inside Sophia, causing the tracker system to go haywire and show dozens of targets. Well played, Secret Alien Man, well played.
An anonymous underling tells CIA Director Sterling that someone stole the isotope—ergo, they have a traitor in their nest! Way to catch up, y’all. Agent Underling approaches Simon and wants to test him and his men for radiation to figure out who the traitor is. Clearly unfamiliar with the concept of “grace under fire”, Simon punches out Agent Underling and throws his body in a trunk. In a public parking lot. In broad daylight. As cars pass by. Great plan.
Director Sterling watches Sophia on his magical CCTV cameras that monitor the entire city (except, or course, that one patch of parking lot where Simon beat the tar out of his colleague) and calls in the SWAT team.
Sophia reunites with Thomas inside an empty building. Considering that homegirl has been celibate for 66 years, the reunion hug is pretty tame. And here’s where things get a little confusing. Thomas works some alien mojo and the building starts to collapse. He and Sophia escape through a secret hatch, while Simon stays behind because he just loves those darn humans so much that he has to try to save them. So he gets smushed by the building. I curse the show for reducing its handsomeness factor so carelessly.
Now – Motel
Sean and Laila canoodle, while poor Agent Sassy gets to babysit the captive D.B. Sweeney (aka Mr. Toepick, thanks to Anne!). Sassy demands his real name and he’s all, “but haven’t you seen The Cutting Edge?”
Laila tells Sean that she knew he’d come back for her and that’s what kept her going. Really? I mean, Sean’s cute and all, but I think fear of death would have motivated me just fine.
Poor Sean has the sad task of telling Laila that her mom is dead, her sister is missing, and that her dad was briefly dead and is now missing. Laila does what everyone else on this show does when they want something, she turns to torture! She sticks her fist in D.B.’s gunshot wound (ouch!) and we get the following interrogation:
Laila: What did you do to her?!
D.B: Uh… could you be more specific?
Laila: Tell me!
D.B: Tell you what?
Laila: Tell me or I will kill you!
Sean and Laila abandon Agent Sassy and D.B. and drive to Laila’s house, which is… five minutes away? Are they using floo powder? Despite the fact that professional criminal masterminds and the police found nothing in the house, Laila checks in the attic (yeah, nobody would ever think to look there) and immediately finds a big ole box of secret files.
As they rifle through the materials, one of my favorite TV actresses, Paula Malcomson, shows up and holds them at gunpoint. She introduces herself as Madeline Jackson, “journalist” and conspiracy theorist extraordinaire. She tells Sean and Laila that HERE THERE BE ALIENS! They look at her like she’s a few feathers short of a duck. But is she? Well, probably, yes.
In two weeks, The Event continues, and –more importantly—Simon lives! What did you think of tonight’s episode? Leave some comments and let me know your two cents.