90210 – Recap & Review – How Much is that Liam in the Window?

photo: cw

90210
How Much is that Liam in the Window?

Original Air Date: Oct 25, 2010

Meg – Sr. Reviewer
meg@thetwocentscorp.com

It’s a night of revelations in 90210, as everybody either tells the truth or gets trapped in a lie. Dixon comes clean (about being clean) to Ivy, Oscar drops the “guess what, I slept with you AND your mom!” bomb on Ivy, Evil Jen learns about Naomi’s sexual assault, Annie discovers Charlie is kind of a sick puppy (but she loves him anyway!), and Navid finds out Adrianna is being blackmailed. All of this pales in comparison to the possibility that Evil Jen might not be the most terrible person in the history of existence.

Read on for the full recap and review – make sure to share your thoughts too!

Ivy and Laurel (and Oscar…)
We open with some beach bum surf music, so it must be Ivy’s room. Yup, naked Ivy wakes up next to a naked, sleeping Oscar. That is, like, my worst nightmare ever. To her credit, Ivy looks appropriately horrified. She throws on her daisy dukes (commando? gasp!) and tries to sneak out.

Of course, Dixon shows up to chat. He comes clean (too late!) and tells Ivy that he only dumped her because he thought he was HIV positive, but that he’s fine and he loves her and they’re good, right? Riiiiiight?

Later, Ivy talks to her mom and tells her that for the two seconds she and Dixon were broken up, she slept with Oscar. I really dig their mother-daughter relationship ad I think it’s awesome that Ivy confides in her mom (it is, however, less awesome that this is how her mom finds out her boy toy has been two-timing her). Laurel confronts Oscar and he claims that he slept with Ivy because he cares about Laurel so much and felt rejected by her. And that makes sense in what universe? Laurel kicks him out.

Oscar approaches Ivy and Laurel at the beach club and drops the bomb on Ivy that he’s been banging her mom all summer. Wow, he’s classy. Ivy calls her mom a whore and runs away. Aww, RIP sole semi-functional parent-child relationship on this show.

Oscar gives us his backstory, explaining that Laurel had an affair with his father and his mother ended up killing herself with drugs and alcohol. He claims that “we’re even now.” Even? Really? Thank god he can’t do math, otherwise there would have been way more fatalities this episode…

Naomi and Evil Jen
Although she and Evil Jen are still at each other’s throats, Naomi goes to visit her new nephew. Evil Jen is, predictably, a giant bitch, going so far as to rip apart the stuffed bear Naomi brought to search for a nanny cam. HATE her.

While Naomi and Silver are cooing over a baby that is far too cute to have spawned from such a vile womb, Evil Jen overhears them (via baby monitor) talking about Naomi’s rape.

Evil Jen immediately goes into protective Sister Bear mode and demands that Naomi tell her what happened. Naomi blows her off. When Evil Jen tells Ryan about the rape, Ryan remembers that he saw Mr. Cannon alone with Naomi on the night of the assault. I’m surprised he remembers seeing anything at all, since he was crazy drunk and drove into a wall.

Ryan goes to Naomi and tells her what he remembers from that night and encourages her to report the rape to prevent Mr. Cannon from hurting other girls. He also tells Naomi that Evil Jen is ready to castrate and/or murder Mr. Cannon for hurting her. Naomi is really touched by her sister’s willingness to commit homicide for her. I’m conflicted because I loathe Evil Jen with the flame of a thousand suns, but I respect the sister-love. Is the show trying to make me like Evil Jen?

Liam
Wow, Matt Lanter’s ego must be doing just fine—his entire storyline this episode revolves around him being hot. Seriously. The plot is basically, “Look! Abs!”

Laura, the girl who bought Liam during the bachelor auction, seems to believe Liam’s contractual obligation extends beyond a charity date. Laura is dumber than rocks. She wants him to go to a concert and hold hands and pick out curtains and all that jazz, while Liam is more of the “let’s not, and say we did” school of thought.

Because he’s broke, Liam takes a job from a guy in a suit who is professional enough to be hanging out and drinking in a bar in the middle of the day. Good sign! Liam ends up modeling sassy pants in a store window while being mocked and ogled. The store seems to employ a cadre of shirtless beefcakes in need of constant perfuming.

A suspiciously friendly cougar arrives on the scene:
Liam: Hi, can I—
Cougar: You are an excellent salesman, I’d like to hire you! Come live in my pool house! I have known you for three minutes!

In no way can this be a good thing. Of course, as soon as Liam settles in, he discovers that he’s been hired by Laura’s mother. Oy…

Annie and Charlie
Charlie is a sophisticated intellectual—we know this because he speaks French and writes plays. Annie is a curious smitten kitten, so she sneaks into a reading of one of Charlie’s new plays. Hilariously, the play is fantastically dark and violent and involves some guy wanting to choke his girlfriend while she sleeps. Heh. Annie freaks the frijoles out.

At the beach club, Charlie shows up in magenta pants (that can’t be right. Is my TV color getting screwy?). Annie watches Charlie diffuse an argument like a diplomatic champ, so she decides to overlook the twisty dark fantasies and skip ahead to the making out.

Adrianna
Ade records Javier’s song and does that annoying scrunchy face thing some singers do where they look like they are in pain. Her manager, Victor, continues to be a joke of a caricature. Silver and Navid are horrified by his behavior, but Ade obeys him—even when he tells her to do a topless photo shoot. When Navid and Silver try and intervene, they get kicked out of the studio (but Silver accidentally leaves her camera mic on…).

Navid sees the pictures and gets angry with Ade for violating her morals. She claims that Lady Gaga and Katy Perry have done more provocative shoots (objection: I have seen Lady Gaga’s shoots. And you, Sir, are no Gaga). Later, Navid and Silver hear the audio that was recorded after they left the studio –Victor is clearly bullying and blackmailing Adrianna into posing topless. Navid confronts Adrianna, and is actually supportive when she confesses that she stole Javier’s song. Awww, he’s a sweet kid. Adrianna tries to break ties with Victor, but when she realizes that her topless photos earned her the magazine cover, she changes her mind. Scandal!

Where do you think this is heading? Will Ade ever return to high school? Is Evil Jen slightly less Evil? What did you think of tonight’s episode? You know I love your comments, so let me know your two cents!