90210 – Recap & Review – 2021 Vision

photo: the cw

90210
2021 Vision

Original Air Date: Sep 27, 2010

Meg – Senior Reviewer
meg@thetwocentscorp.com

This episode is pretty much a mix of every teen series plot line, umm… ever. We’ve got pill overdoses, fame gone wrong, lovelorn awkwardness, virgin outings, daddy issues, predatory older men, sexual confusion, and a pregnancy propositions. That is a LOT to cram into one hour. So let’s get to it.

Chekhov’s Boy
Some wretchedly perky editor girl is interviewing the West Bev seniors for a video time capsule to be opened in ten years. The kids talk about their aspirations: Annie sees herself in the theater, Dix wants to produce music and have a closet that rivals Imelda Marcos, Silver will be a “serious” journalist (not with that haircut!) in New York, Naomi will under no circumstances be a ballerina, and random dude we’ve never seen before plans to revolutionize Broadway by making “Maria” of West Side Story into “Mario.” Why hello, random student, might you be important to the episode’s plot later?

Naomi, Silver, and Mr. Cannon
Haunted by her memories of the rape, Naomi can’t sleep. She takes pills given to her by some skanky extra in the bathroom. Oh Naomi, still exercising that flawless judgment, I see.

Mr. Cannon is still trying to get into Silver’s pants by wooing her with promises of documentary footage and tribal art. He invites her to come over to his house after school and check out his new camera. This is all kinds of inappropriate. Mr. Cannon also decides to be a total jerk to Teddy, when he hears that Silver and Teddy might be reconciling. Poor Teddy ends up with a 5,000 word essay on the New Deal. Wow, Cannon bites.

Chez Cannon, Silver settles in to watch the documentary. Mr. Cannon dims the lights and pops into the kitchen, all “Don’t mind me! You look at the pretty zebras on the film, while I just crush these pills into your tea…” Silver overhears a line of narration on the film that she heard Naomi say earlier. This clues her into the fact that Naomi was telling the truth and that she needs to get the heck out of Cannonville pronto. It gets really awkward, but she manages to bolt before it’s too late.

Silver speeds to Naomi’s pad to tell her about Mr. Cannon and apologize for not believing her. Naomi can’t really hear well, since she’s passed out from her pill-fest. Silver yells at her to wake up and demands to know what she took. Personally, I would have called 911 and read the label on the pill bottle. Isn’t Silver supposed to be the smart one?

Ivy and Dix (and the Englishman who refuses to go away…)
Ivy skateboards through the halls because she’s just that hardcore. Oscar tries to woo her away from a Dixon date night with tickets to some skater benefit shindig. I’m sort of neutral on Ivy, but the way she talks about her relationships with Dixon is terrible—“he’s like a puppy that pees on the couch. He didn’t mean to do it” (In contrast, I’ll note that my cats pee with precision and defiance).

Oscar and Dixon wrestle in gym class. Can someone remind me why Oscar is there – didn’t he graduate? How is he doing his gap year at an American high school? Isn’t the point of a gap year to not be in school? Why does this show make my head hurt? As they wrestle, Oscar lets Dix know that Ivy is a virgin. Oh the scandal! Dixon angrily confronts Ivy for lying to him and confiding in Oscar. She confesses that she wanted him to think she was cool (and she did this by claiming to have lost her virginity at surf camp?). Dixon clarifies that “being in a relationship is not about being cool!” (definitely not if you’re Dixon). He stomps off—a bold move for a man in lavender.

Ivy woos Dixon back by driving him to her dad’s house and saying that he’s the last man she tried to be close to and he abandoned her for another family. Dixon seems to view vulnerability as an aphrodisiac, so he’s thrilled about the daddy issues.

Later, we see Oscar chatting with anonymous extra waiter #15. He shows him a photo he keeps in his wallet of Laurel and a man and explains “there’s my dad and that’s the bitch who ruined his life.” Didn’t we already do the vengeance-seeking child plot?

Annie and her Eggs
Because Annie has an inflated sense of self, she is convinced her lady boss has a lady crush on her. To be fair, Bosslady does shower her with completely inappropriate compliments. Since Bosslady lacks nuance, however, it’s pretty clear to anyone with a brain that she’s evaluating Annie the way a breeder looks at livestock (minus checking her gums).

After an appearance by Bosslady’s husband and an invitation to a hot tub BBQ. It sounds like some threesome fantasy or cult recruitment (not that those are often mistaken for one another). Sadly, my dreams of Annie joining a cult are moot when Bosslady offers her $20,000 for her eggs.

Adrianna
Laurel convinces Adrianna to sing at Javier’s memorial. At the service, the eulogy is given by Javier’s Uncle. But since he’s played by Nestor Serrano and I’ve seen that guy kill, betray, and maim his way through 24 and every other show he’s been on, I don’t feel very trusting. When Adrianna sings Javier’s song, Mr. Uncle (does he have an actual name) seems to recognize it. The song is a big hit and a clip ends up on youtube, drawing a million hits (whatever, that’s still four million hits fewer than Nora, the Piano Cat). After Adrianna gets booked on Entertainment Tonight, Mr. Uncle confronts her about “stealing from a dead man.” Awkward…

Teddy Time
Teddy has been having issues with alcohol control lately. He wakes up to a post-it with a note scrawled saying “I had a great time with you. XO.” Teddy pukes.

When he can’t think of the right way to apologize to Silver for accidentally hugging her half-naked BFF, he decides to take advantage of the time capsule and leave her a message. As Silver watches the footage (thankfully, that evening, not ten years later), she sees Teddy ramble on about poetry and some heavy-handed foot metaphor and how he can’t lose her, etc… Silver seems charmed. In the final twist, however, random dude we’ve never seen before (except for in the opening scene) pops in to tell Teddy: “It’s cool, I’m not going to tell anyone we hooked up.” Woah. And, hee.

What did you think about the twist? I’m hoping the show stops trying to cram every single storyline into each episode… What do you think? Leave some comments and let me know your two cents!