American Idol — Recap & Review — Denver

photo: fox

American Idol
Denver

Original Air Date: Feb 2, 2010

Patricia Morris Buckley — Staff Writer
pmb@thetwocentscorp.com

Isn’t it about time that we retired a few things? Like having all the contestants screaming, “I’m the next American Idol”? Or the judges trying to outdo each other with percentages (last night, Randy said “100 percent yes” to a contestant and Kara the One-Up-(Wo)Man had to top him with “1,000 percent yes). Enough already!!!!

But Denver did do well for contestants and us. The judges handed out 26 Golden Tickets and we got to see seven of those versus those four who stunk. Pretty good indeed.

As we recap the episode, I’d like to offer this first-time-ever American Idol Dictionary.

“Surprising”: This means “you’re not good looking, so I’m surprised you can sing.” Example: 28-year-old computer consultant and dad Mark Labriola, who came with the sob story (after much prompting by Simon) that his mother had kidnapped him for six years at the age of 4. He sang “Tempted” and blew everyone away. But as he compared himself in looks to Jack Black, the judges said — “Surprising!”

“I Like Your Look”: This means the contestant is really good looking and oh yeah, can also sing. Denver examples were Casey Jones and Tori Kelly. The 27-year-old Casey was asked to take his long hair out of a ponytail and open a few more shirt buttons (he took the whole shirt off) by guest judge Victoria Beckham and Kara. If Simon had asked that of a female contestant, he would have been roasted for sexism. Meanwhile, the 16-year-old Tori sang a decent “Gravity,” and also brought in her 5-year-old sister to charm the judges. But more importantly, Posh Spice added: “You’re gorgeous” and we all know that’s what’s really important. Kara didn’t even have to mention her favorite phrase from last year — “package artist.”

“You’re authentic/inspiring”: This really means, “your back story is a Lifetime movie, so your singing moves me.” Example: The 24-year-old Danelle Hayes, raspy-voiced singer who is a single mom and almost lost it emotionally in the audition because life has been so hard for her. Kara told Danelle that she liked that the singer “wore her heart on her sleeve.” Simon added, “You’ve come in here just in time for us to rescue you from corporate hell.” She, of course, got four yeses.

Only one other singer stood out: 22-year-old Nikki Nix (that has to be a stage name), who flew from Florence, Italy for the audition. Her squeaky voice didn’t bode well (Kara asked if she was on helium), but she sang in a lower register and she got a Golden Ticket, although most likely she’s Hollywood fodder. The same goes for 16-year-old high school student Haeley Vaughn, who wants to be the first black pop/country star and single mom Kimberly Kerbow, whose stiffness was off putting.

Oh, as for the crazies, only Bikini Boy made a strong impression. That took a lot of guts, although the judges didn’t even let him finish his audition. Probably better that way.

I want to know whose idea was it to bring back Victoria Beckham? Are there really that few people out there who could get free for a day or two to be a guest judge on one of the highest rated TV shows? Here’s a sample of Posh’s ever-astute, oh-so-professional comments—

“You look great.”
“You’re gorgeous. I love the way you look.”
“I like the way you dress.”
“You have a good looking family.”

Seriously? This is what they want for a judge on a singing competition? My 10-year-old fashion-conscious daughter could do that at a fraction of Posh’s asking price, even if she’s never been in a girl band or married a famous athlete.

Do you think I’m being too hard on Mrs. David Beckham? Did any one singer stand out? And all sexism aside, didn’t Casey look hot, with or without his shirt off? Give us your Two Cents…

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