True Blood – Recap & Review – Frenzy

photo: hbo

True Blood
Frenzy

Original Air Date: August 30, 2009

Andi – Associate Staff Writer
andi@thetwocents.com

It’s all theoretical this week in Bon Temps, as we find out the underwhelming secret to Maryann’s undoing. Plus, Sophie-Anne reveals that The Secret is fact, almost everyone continues to act idiotic, Sam actually smarts up, and Hoyt does the unthinkable!

Bill shows up at Sophie-Anne’s and finds her enjoying a tasty thigh. She offers to share, but Bill declines because he is no fun at all.

Hoyt drags Jessica off his mama, reads her the riot act about how totally not cool it was to bite her, and then blows that popsicle stand with his mama in tow. Jessica screams out her frustrations and I totally feel ya, honey. I’m screaming too.

Back over at the queen’s new dayroom, she’s breaking down the sitch: All things exist because they’ve imagined themselves into existence and Maryann can’t be killed because she believes herself to be immortal. Basically, Maryann read The Secret and took it all very, very literally. However, she believes in a ritual for the god who comes (who never actually comes, by the way) and she believes that he will appear through a proper vessel (always a shifter or a two-natured of some sort) and deliver her righteous death. It is at this point only that Maryann can be killed. No word yet if that event will take place on a cross or possibly a rooftop. P.S. Sophie-Anne totally pulled Bon Temps as his city of residence out of nowhere and she calls him,” My good friend William,” so these two clearly have a closer relationship than we have been shown. She also informs him that he will be staying with her until the following night because she wants to visit.

Over at Lafayette’s, Tara is stomping and bitching about no one letting her go rescue Eggs, so they decide to handcuff her to the coffee table with some fuzzy purple cuffs. Hee! Then they hear some yelling and rustling and Lafayette and Sookie make the monumental mistake of going out to the porch to defend the homestead, leaving Lettie Mae alone with Tara.

Sam has explained the whole shifter thing to Jason and Andy, who appear to be taking it exceptionally well, but I guess if you’ve acclimated yourself to the existence of vampires and weird orgy-loving, immortal women, it might not be so hard to make that leap. Anyway, Jason insists that they hit the cop shop to load up on weapons to fight back, but Sam thinks this is a fool plan. While they are debating the pros and cons of shooting their fellow townsfolk, Arlene’s kids (who also happen to be the only people under twenty one in Bon Temps) are caught lurking outside. Sam brings them in, feeds them lunch and then decides he needs some help. Meanwhile, Jason and Andy make for the weapons stores at the Bon Temps police station.

Lafayette and Sookie are out on the porch, armed with one rifle among them, while Tara cons her mother into unlocking her. Sheesh. They’re talking about awesome porny Eric dreams, which is awesome, so it’s entirely understandable that Lettie Mae manages to trick the gun away from Lafayette. She turns it on him to allow Tara to make a run for it. Lafayette has a PTSD relapse and imagines Eric holding the rifle, dressed just like Lettie Mae, which is hilarious in a terrible kind of way.

Andy and Jason go to the police station and encounter Rosie (the receptionist) and Bud, both of whom are zombified, but the best part about any of the subsequent Jason and Andy scenes are the absurd and hilarious questions that Jason keeps asking about Sam’s shifting. “If Sam turned into a dog could he have sex with a lady dog?” And then later: “Do you think Sam could turn into a chicken and lay his own eggs?” Oh Jason. Anyway, they get their mini arsenal and off they go.

Sookie and Lafayette get the jump on Lettie Mae, take back the gun, and rush off to get Tara back. Honestly, these people are acting like the bloody Winchesters, with their saving and their war waging and their self-sacrifice. It’s stupid. How is it that Sam Merlotte was the town idiot last week, but the only one using his brain this week? Speaking of Sam…

After sitting outside and waiting in the Fangtasia parking lot, Ginger finally appears and lets Sam and the kids inside to wait for Eric.

Over in Bon Temps, Lafayette and Sookie drive to the house formerly known as hers, while attempting make some kind of solid plan of action. They don’t come up with much, aside from the need to shoot Maryann. Yes, please!

Tara finds Eggs and faces off with Maryann for a moment, but falls victim to her influence again. Yeah, I know, suuuurprise! Then Maryann explains that Tara and Miss Jeanette’s little exorcism actually summoned Maryann because using all that energy or some shit has consequences. Anyway, Eggs and Tara run off to cause havoc or whatever, and the minions show up with Sam’s clothes to explain to Maryann that the god who comes was awesome and shit. She’s displeased and sends them all away so she can be trite. “Must I do everything myself,” she says tritely. Aww, come on. If you’re going to do that, you might as well go all the way and have her also say, “I’m surrounded by idiots.”

While all of this shiznit is going down, Hoyt and his mama are having some vry srs bzns heart to hearts. It turns out that Hoyt’s daddy was a closet drinker, possible homosexual, and committed suicide, but that Maxine lied about it to get the insurance money. Poor Hoyt, he’s so put upon.

Out in the woods by Sookie’s, she and Lafayette are lurking, being totally freaked out, when Terry and Arlene drop out of a tree and demand a song or a riddle or something in exchange for crossing the bridge… no wait, that’s the troll. Whatever, same difference. Lafayette offers a bag of pills, which he happens to have in his pocket, and then leads them away like a pair of birdies. Ha! Sookie, because the television version of her is infinitely more idiotic than the original, decides to go into the house in search of Tara. But once again, Ellis, Preston and Lowe make any scenes they’re in.

Eric and Pam show up, dressed for work in a grey suit and a horrible red sequined bodysuit, respectively. Sam asks for Eric’s help with the maenad in exchange for a favor whenever Eric might need it. He asks why he should trust Sam and Sam gets the awesome line of the night: “Because until someone starts trusting somebody, we’re all single targets, just ripe for the picking.” Eric, because he clearly has tunnel vision, asks for Sookie in exchange for his help, but Sam can’t deliver on that. Pam takes a break from bitching about the nasty little urchins to roll her eyes at this because she’s read the book series and is tired of this bullshit. Then there’s some annoying discussion about how tasty children are and must we really? If the intent here is to ever have Eric seem appealing to Sookie on any kind of level, aside from forced sexual attraction, you’re really going to want to stop going out of your way to make him evil. And that doesn’t even have anything to do with my preference for Eric, that’s just common sense. Besides, with the way Sookie and Bill have become so painfully Mary-Sue (scroll down, definition 2 is the best) and Gary-Stu-ish, we really have to prefer the tertiary characters, no matter how hard you try and make them nasty and unlikable.

Sookie sneaks in and finds Jane Bodehouse cutting off her own finger, which probably should freak her out more than it does. Inside, she’s accosted by some more of the zombies, but manages to get away by beating Mike Spencer over the head with a frying pan.

The queen’s new dayroom. Bill and Sophie-Anne and Hadley are all “sunbathing” and debating snacks when he announces that he only feeds from Sookie, which gives the queen serious pause and makes Hadley take note. Because she’s not on board with his Sookie issues, Sophie-Anne insists that Bill have a snack from her favorite Latvian boy. He obliges under protest because he’s Bill and he’s always forced into situations that he doesn’t want to be in and nothing is ever his fault or his doing. No, I’m not beating my head against the wall, why do you ask?

Out in the woods, Maryann and Karl confront Lafayette. He takes a shot to Maryann, but she gets her Neo on and deflects it with her palm. Unfortunately for Karl, it ends up lodged in his skull. Damn it.

Sophie-Anne has everyone playing Yahtzee, which is awesome, but Bill keeps bitching about being given leave and no one is listening because he’s Bill and this is his shtick. The queen is summoned for a moment, so Hadley has a chance to point out that she’s Sookie’s cousin. Of course she’s Sookie’s cousin, look at her outfit. Only Stackhouses wear such ridiculous crap. But the point to note here is that Bill does not react to Hadley’s question after her cousin’s well-being, except to say that she’s well. It’s almost like he already knew this information. Weeeird. Not.

Sophie-Anne announces Eric’s arrival and Bill decides to force his departure, which is ridiculous since he’s been asking to leave for an entire day. If it was that easy all along, why is he still there? The queen laughs at him and says, “You two really should just fuck each other and get it over with.” OMG! Sophie-Anne is the one responsible for all the Eric/Bill slash fic! Kill her with fire!

Phew. Sorry. I’m better now.

So, she tells Bill in a threatening tone that she looks forward to meeting Sookie, which makes me gleeful because I know where this is going. Hee hee!

Outside, Eric towers over Bill a little and they threaten each other a little and Sophie-Anne is wrong; they should not screw. Ever. Bill tells Eric to stay the hell away from Sookie, as is his wont, and Eric points out that Bill has no room to be saintly, since it was terribly convenient that Sookie drank his blood right after meeting him. But Bill rolls a Yahtzee when he tells Eric that he’ll tattle to the queen about the little drug trade he’s got going with Lafayette. Eric is most displeased, because no one likes a tattletale, but Bill saunters off like he’s won, which will totally bite him in the ass later, mark my words.

Andy and Jason station themselves around Sookie’s house and give each other pep talks and then lock and load. Frighteningly enough, I think these two might be the deciding factor in who wins this little war. That’s scary.

Bill shows up at Sam’s and they stare longingly at each other for a moment before we pop over to…

Sookie. She finds Tara and Eggs destroying her room and building a freaky-ass nest with a freaky-ass giant egg inside. I have no idea what the hell that’s supposed to be and I’m pretty sure I don’t even want to. Then, sadly, horribly, Lafayette shows up and he’s a zombie.

Noooooooooo! I really, really didn’t want that to happen. Ah, well, what’re ya gonna do? How do you guys feel about recent events? Leave me two cents below.