Merlin – Recap & Review – Excalibur

photo: nbc

Merlin
Excalibur

Original Air Date: August 2, 2009

Andi – Sr. Reviewer
andi@thetwocents.com

This week a mysterious knight wages a one knight war on the Pendragon boys and their knights, which leads to drama and characterizations and big ole plotty exposition bombs relating to Arthur’s very existence.

We open with that annoying formerly bionic witch again. She’s up to something in a mausoleum so you just know it isn’t good. And then she waves her annoying hand around and says annoying things, the only part of which that is understandable being Uther Pendragon if you don’t speak Olde English or Welsh or whatever the hell they’re using as the magical language. And then an armor-clad hand pops out of a sarcophagus. Ruh roh.

Over in Camelot, Arthur is being sworn in as Crown Prince, which is like a bar mitzvah, I guess, and he is now a man. Merlin and Gwen discuss how proud he is of Arthur because she’s a shipper. Suddenly, a knight on horseback smashes through a stained glass window. The knight throws his glove down in challenge at Arthur’s feet and Arthur’s like, “Pfft, I see your bet and… hey! Owain, what are you doing?” For, you see, Sir Owain has snatched up the glove first and accepted the challenge in order to protect his Crowned Prince. The knight informs us that they will fight to the death in single combat at noon the next day.

When we come back from the credits, Merlin is grilling Gaius about this mysterious knight and Gaius is hedging and waffling until he has had enough of these children these days and their questions! He sends Merlin to bed, exasperated.

Meanwhile, Arthur and Morgana are talking in loud I AM NOT YELLING voices about how Owain should not have picked up the glove. Morgana wants Arthur to take his place for reasons unknown and they both look bothered that the Knight’s Code won’t allow it.

Over in the library, Geoffrey of Monmouth takes a little break from writing his fanfiction to discuss the Black Night with Gaius. Turns out that the Black Night wears the crest of Tristan DuBois, erstwhile dead guy and royal relative. (He was the brother of Igraine, Uther’s baby mama, who was killed by Uther when he blamed the King for Igraine’s death approximately twenty years ago. Uther won, obviously.) Gaius rushes off to tell Uther that they’ve ID’d the perp. Uther does not like what he hears.

The next morning, Merlin is dressing Owain and Arthur is explaining for us why everyone is so concerned: Owain has never fought in a battle to the death. Oh impulsive youthfulness, it will get you killed. You know what else it will get you? A pretty red hankie from a sexy rich girl. Gwen delivers Morgana’s good luck charm and Owain’s all, “I don’t need no stinking hankies!” Okay, well, no, he says, “I will wear it with pride, but I won’t need luck.” Everyone in the room laments how they’ll have to take time off for a funeral in a few days.

An epic battle ensues. The Black Knight suffers a mortal wound, but does not die. Owain does though. Then Sir Pellinore takes up the challenge even though Arthur tries his damnedest to do so first.

Merlin points out that Blackie (good nickname, yes?) was wounded, but Gaius makes his B’zuh? face and Merlin’s all, “I’m younger and have better eyes and therefore totally right, dude.” Gaius posits that maybe Blackie’s already dead and Merlin looks like maybe he’s getting really tired of all this saving Camelot from magical foes business.

The Pendragons go stomping and shouting through the halls and it amounts to basically thus:

“But Dad, I wanted to fight! You never let me do anything!”

“Just because the other parents let their kids run around battling to the death does not mean I have to!”

Merlin and Gaius go grave robbing and discover Tristan DuBois’ grave already smashed up and his body gone.

Back at home, Gaius explains what Merlin missed on Days of our Pendragon, which is pretty much everything I said before plus – Igraine died giving birth to Arthur and Tristan used his dying moments to claim that Camelot will one day suffer his return. Gaius guesses that they’re dealing with a wraith. A wraith, he explains, cannot die since it’s already dead and will only stop when it has achieved what it came for – revenge. Merlin and his ears look very concerned.

Epic battle number two. Pellinore runs Blackie through, but it’s no good and, like his buddy Owain, Pellinore bites it. This time Arthur manages to challenge Blackie before anyone can stop him.

Uther gives his dumbass son a royal talking to. He tries to get Arthur to break his pinkie swear… I mean the Knight’s Code, but Arthur is a noble guy and refuses.

It’s self-congratulatory-but-woe-is-us time over at Gaius’. He and Merlin lament their situations and Merlin gets to work on a magical plan while Gaius goes to talk to Uther.

The King is pacing and worrying and you can practically see the hair turning grey when Gaius comes in and informs him of his wraith theory. Uther’s defense is, “But it was magic that killed [Igraine], not I.” Oooh, I love it when they throw these plotty, Uther and Gaius have a secret, King Tyrant isn’t actually faultless bits in here. So, they talk about how Arthur will die if he fights and he should probably know that the knight is his Uncle-wraith, but Uther’s all, “OMG NO WAI! THE SECRET OF ARTHUR’S BIRTH IS A SECRET!” And Gaius is all, “HE HAD HIS BAR MITZVAH, HE’S A MAN NOW AND SHOULD KNOW!” And Uther’s all, “BUT YOU PINKY SWORE!” And Gaius is all, “Damn. Okay, you win.”

Down in the courtyard, where Blackie likes to stand around all the time like a stalker, Merlin sets him on magical fire, but Blackie ain’t bovvered, which sends Merlin running to beg Arthur not to fight. “You have to pull out,” he says, and your recapper suddenly dissolves into a fit of giggles because she’s apparently twelve. Arthur ain’t bovvered either and Merlin’s begging comes to naught.

Down in the multipurpose chamber, Uther gets a visit from the Annoying One herself. They play expository tennis and we learn that they were friends and that it was she who, at Uther’s begging, rigged up the impossible birth to his barren wife. But the balance had to be restored and the universe took a life (Igraine’s) for the one that was magically created (Arthur’s). Apparently, he’s still bitter, if you hadn’t guessed that from all the years of reverse Voldemort-ism.

Because Merlin is the only person in Camelot who actually gets anything done, he and Geoffrey put their heads together and find a fable about an unbeatable sword that was blessed with “dragon’s breath.”

The King goes slumming and stops in at Gaius’ to apologize for being himself, confirm that Gaius will never tell anyone about Arthur’s existence, and get something to drug Arthur with so he can take the Prince’s place.

Off we go to the Chamber of Secrets! Merlin takes the best sword Gwen could steal from her dad and asks the Slash Dragon to blow it. Not like that! Dragon tells Merlin that Arthur – only Arthur – can have this awesome sword of awesomeness or else. Merlin screws that up right away because the episode’s only half over.

At the urging of Uther, Gaius drugs Arthur and locks him in his room.

The morning dawns and Uther finds Merlin with the newly created and yet unnamed Excalibur. He takes the sword because it’s awesome and Merlin kicks himself for being an idiot.

Battle, battle, battle. Arthur’s locked in his room. Battle, battle. OMG ZOMBIE! Arthur’s still locked in his room. Nimueh is still annoying. Battle, battle. Excalibur is victorious.

Later, Gaius patches Uther up, Arthur barges in and yells a lot until Uther admits to all sorts of mushy, paternal feelings and they both get all vaclempt and awkward. It’s really very sweet.

That night, Merlin is awakened by the Slash Dragon, who tells him he sucks at life and that the sword must be gotten rid of or else Uther will be unbeatable and how horrific would that be?! Merlin totally agrees and throws it in a lake somewhere near the Alps or something.

The End.

I kind of adore this episode in the same way I adored last week’s. It’s really great to throw these characters into situations that test their metal, ya know? And I’m all out of two cents lines so help me out here and pretend like I said something clever.