True Blood – Recap & Review – Keep The Party Going

photo: hbo

True Blood
Keep the Party Going

Original Air Date: June 21, 2009

Andi – Senior Reviewer
andi@thetwocents.com

This week on True Blood, I laughed, I cringed, I felt really sorry for some of the actors. In this episode, Eric makes with the threatening and biting, Pam plays beauty parlor, Bill becomes bi-polar, Maryann unleashes her crazy pheromones on the poor people of Bon Temps, and Sookie continues to be played by Anna Paquin…unfortunately.

Look, I know the Screen Actors Guild is in love with her, but I hold to my opinion that this is not a fitting role for Paquin. I remain unimpressed by her. Okay, I’ve said my peace, go ahead and throw things at me now.

So, we open on Eric, silhouetted in the din of the basement with blood and guts everywhere, spitting out the chunky, gross parts of Ole AIDS Burger, who is now in many pieces. Lafayette is pretty much scarred for life now, just so you know. Eric grabs Lafayette and asks him, “Is there blood in my hair?” Which is hilarious. Then he mutters, “Pam is going to kill me,” before dragging Lafayette upstairs for a chat in which Lafayette sings like a canary, Pam laments Eric’s over processed and gross hair, Chow just stands there, and Eric reveals that his pal Godric is MIA. But none of Lafayette’s singing is helpful (he spills about Jason vampnapping Poor Dead Eddie, but they need Sookie so they won’t be going after her brother), so it’s back to the basement for him.

Meanwhile, in Bill’s bed, he and Sookie are lounging around, talking and canoodling and Sookie either hates it or loves it, I can’t tell because she’s talking like she’s reading the script for the first time and doesn’t know what she thinks about all this parenting and make-up sex discussion.

Jason seems to have found himself on a bus headed for the Light of Day Institute, singing Christian songs and laughing and hugging and high-fiving everyone over their killer sing-a-long skills or whatever. It’s awesome in that “I am so embarrassed for Ryan Kwanten right now,” kind of way. But, you know, this season is really starting to show Kwanten in a new light. So far he’s mostly clothed and he’s bumbling instead of outright annoying and I’m noticing that he’s a pretty good actor after all.

Over at The Island of Dr. Moreau, Tara wanders out of the house, all sunny and happy in her early morning delusions of optimism. It’s up to Eggs to knock her back to reality, though, and he does this by informing her that he has a history of drugs and violence and a lengthy rap sheet to prove it. She’s judgmental, naturally, though she hardly has any right to be.

Elsewhere, Jason and the other recruits are given “rings of honesty” to promise truthiness while at the Light of Day Institute. Then they play flag football and Jason and his new bus buddy, Luke, turn it into a game for the position of Alpha Recruitee. Luke loses and is very displeased; you’re new bus buddy is no longer your buddy, Jason. (It’s interesting that no one has really mentioned what this whole camp is about. Jason should probably ask, I don’t think he’ll really like it.)

Tara shows up late to work with Maryann in tow and Sam is none too pleased by this. Daphne, the new waitress bungles everything throughout the rest of the episode. There is no need to think this is particularly funny. Anyway, Sam tells Maryann to shoo, but she pshaws at him and orders like twelve entrees, which she totally eats. Does that vibrating thing make you really hungry, then?

Sookie shows up at Merlotte’s and asks Tara to move in with her because…well, I’m not exactly sure why. I think it has something to do with forcing Sookie to clean out and move into Gran’s room, which, you know, is the best reason to get a roommate ever. Tara says she’ll think about it and Maryann pretends to think it’s sweet. Sookie, upon meeting Maryann, is confused by her thoughts, which are in some other language and sound vaguely chant-like. Needless to say, the Sookster does not like Maryann.

Over in the basement, Lafayette resorts to some very gross measures involving Ole AIDS Burger’s metallic hip and detached leg to escape from the donkey wheel. It’s pretty nasty, but he frees himself, only to make it up into Fangtasia’s bar where one of the waitresses freaks the hell out and shoots him in the leg. Poor Lafayette.

Over at the Light of Day Camp, which really needs a shorter, more amusing name, don’t you think? How about Land of Crazy? Yeah, okay, that works. So, over at the Land of Crazy, Amanda (who was flirting mildly with Jason earlier) sings some really frightening song about Jesus and saving herself in a sultry, sexy way and oh, yes, I see what you did thar. Anyway, the Newlins, with the help of Jason – their new most favorite person ever in the whole world – act out a skit about what you should do in the event that you are ever talking to a vampire sympathizer. Jason loses his cool, freaks out, remembers Poor Dead Eddie, and feels conflicted. Sarah just feels hot. This will go nowhere good.

Speaking of going nowhere good, Jessica, having seen her parents beg for her whereabouts on the news, convinces Sookie to take her to see them. Sookie agrees only if they stay in the car and make no contact, which is exactly what happens… oh, what? It’s not? Well, crap, who could have foreseen that, Sook? This is not Sookie’s finest hour.

Oh, but here’s something that might go somewhere good! Bill is shopping for Jessica in some teeny-bopper store in the mall when Eric shows up! His hair is short and slicked back and he looks very good indeed. Eric proceeds to tell Bill that Godric, Eric’s super old skool pal, has up and gone missing and he will be needing Sookie to help find him. Bill says no way Jose, but Eric points out that Sookie agreed to help whenever he needed so long as no humans are harmed. Bill is still bristling and foaming at the mouth about it, but Eric just chuckles and says too bad, so sad, Bill.

Apparently, Maryann has crazy sexy pheromones, which make her very scary because once she starts dancing and having fun, everyone in Merlotte’s starts dancing too. If that’s not enough to convict her on cruel and unusual punishment charges, I don’t know what is.

Sam drags her into his office, yells a bit, and is generally cantankerous, but Maryann’s weird vibrating thing is useful in many ways, it seems, as she can force a transformation on Sam. She uses this as blackmail, natch, because she’s a beeyotch.

Jessica can’t manage to control her new teenager…err…I mean vampire urges and barges into her parents’ house, all sweetness and light and OMG I missed you, until her dad comes home. He says something hard and accusatory and Jessica proceeds to scare the living crap out of everyone by baring her shiny new teeth and growling like the angry puppy she is. (YES! I found a way to insert an obscure Buffy joke! I’m so proud.)

But Bill shows up and manages to get invited in. He forces Jessica to heel, screams a lot at Sookie, and is generally menacing, which is impressive for a short, little guy.

Lets check in on Lafayette, shall we? He’s lying on the couch in Eric’s office, Pam and Chow watching with mild disinterest, when Eric meanders in, seeming bored. He gives Lafayette two options – let the bullet in his leg kill him or let them kill him. But Lafayette, ever the survivor, points out what a badass vampire he would be and that they should turn him so he can be their badass vampire. Eric looks intrigued, but then they all pounce on him and we are left until next week to see whether or not Lafayette will be joining the ranks of the undead.

What do you think? Is Paquin as ill-suited to this role as I think she is? Is Jason more endearing this season? Are you watching just for Eric? Your two cents belong in the box below. Go ahead, drop them in.